You’ll someday, some time, and at someplace would wish to be here to live this particular moment which is uninteresting or in some case dreadful to you right now.
Our priority changes, and so do people around. The ones with you right now might not be there sometime further into the future. Those smiles can fade away any Planck second, and there you’ll realize what really mattered to you when instead you were running after the trifles and distractions in your life.
Know that this is not something that I’m pointing out in you all, but rather it's something that exists in me and is a part of me that I’m trying to understand.
Everything about me revolves around my career since I remember myself. It’s not that family is not my priority. Instead, deep down, it’s all I live for. But rarely do my actions justify my deep reasons. Always I forget to live in the moment. Always I would burn myself down for my work. Always I would second my relations for my work.
It’s like an old book you’ve gotten used to reading all the time that they just become the part of the background of your marvelous adventurous movie where new books keep dropping from above, but either they take you away to stray in the dark or let you fall in the deep void while trying to chase them. And then when you come back to your old place, you find the old book in pieces and flying away with the wind in the cold.
All you complain about is Time then.
I’ve seen myself from learning to smile to forget to smile and even notice them in others. I’ll stress about the theories that just exist in my mind and neglect the reality that flourishes richly before me. I long to go to that place that I forget to breathe and smile in the present. I forget to be the daughter, the sister, the stardust that I know I’m.
There’s a part of me that knows the harsh truth of life that the people I’ve, been going away from me each second, and with every breathe, I’m stepping towards my closure. But the other part still convinces me to go to the forest and bring more woods for firework that we all are enjoying, in the thought that the night is forever when instead I can enjoy too the firework with my family and fade away happily in the daylight.
All I want from myself is to wake up every damn day with a smile on my face. The smile that resonates with the one I love, and that reminds me to take life less personally and rather like a journey among the universe of thoughts and experiences with the sweet company of people I have and stay with them here and beyond till the time I’m here.
That’s my Christmas wish…
